Cheating …
OK no picture today … just something to think about … since the craziness and drama from this very topic seems to pop into my life every now and then …
From Marie Claire …
Is He Cheating …
Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:
Here are some red flags that may signal that your significant other is cheating:
1. Less Sex …
Unless he’s Superman, he can only have so much sex. So, if he’s getting it from another source, you might notice. Whether it’s another woman or a porn addiction — even if he’s not cheating — a decrease in sex signals serious issues in the relationship.
2. Jumpy Cell Phone Habits …
In a perfect world, we’d be open about sharing our correspondence with our significant others. Most of the time, we trust that we don’t have to worry about who is texting or calling them. But, if you notice that he is getting protective and/or nervous when he gets calls or texts, it may be cause for alarm.
3. Gushing or Talking About Someone Suddenly …
You know that exhilarating feeling you get when you meet someone new and exciting? You want to tell the world about him. One of my exes began talking about a guy a lot near the end of our relationship — he just always seemed to be at her social gatherings that I didn’t happen to attend. Sure enough, after she dumped me, she began dating him.
4. Disconnecting …
Even though relationships ebb and flow naturally, if you’re sensing that he’s drawing away from you, then there may be someone else. Emotional disconnection should be investigated regardless of whether it’s caused by cheating. There’s a problem if he’s not laughing or seeming as passionate as usual. It’s hard to spread love/passion between two people, so the person who used to have it will feel it slipping away if it’s being given to someone else.
5. He’s Pulling “Houdinis” …
If he’s disappearing, traveling, or unavailable to the point where you are starting to wonder, then he could be cheating. Also, these times tend to take on a pattern because it’s tough to synch up schedules, especially in secret.
6. His Friends Are Acting Strange …
His friends will certainly remain loyal to him in most cases. They will not let you know what’s going on, but they will definitely be racked with guilt, and their behavior may change slightly when they are around you while protecting his secret.
7. He’s Being Caught in Lies About Other Things …
If you catch him in a lie, your trust will naturally be damaged. Don’t hold a grudge — forgiveness is a good thing. You can forgive, but don’t forget. If he consistently breaches your trust, it’s establishing a pattern of behavior that leads to cheating. Do yourself a favor: If he keeps lying, whether these lies are big or small, get out while you can and don’t let him talk his way back in.
8. Been There, Done That …
I always say: “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” If he’s done it before, he’s definitely capable of doing it again. It has nothing to do with you, which is why you can’t say that he cheated on his previous lover because she didn’t keep him happy. Cheating is a self-serving act in which the cheater doesn’t take his significant other into consideration. If someone is upfront with you that he’s made mistakes in the past, maybe give them a chance – but make it a long probationary period before you let your guard down.
9. Your Gut Tells You So …
Don’t ignore your sixth sense. People are gifted at sensing when something doesn’t feel right. Whether there are red flags in your relationship that are clueing you in or not, if something feels off, don’t ignore this feeling. Usually that suspicion is correct, and something intangible may have led to you figuring it all out.
… And now from Men’s Health …
Is She Cheating …
You have a great gal. So great, in fact, that she attracts packs of men who try to capture her attention or, worse, coax her out of her clothes. They could be platonic friends. Or they could be interlopers, scourges bent on emasculating and circumventing you. What to do?
Either blowing your lid or turning a blind eye could create more problems than addressing the situation head-on.
1. The Overly Interested Boss …
Worry when … she’s focused on pleasing him, not doing her job.
Not when … he’s a kindhearted mentor. His motives could be sincere, and if she’s happy at work, she’ll be happy at home, says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of Why Can’t You Read My Mind?.
Your move: Lead with concern for her, not your issues. If she thinks you have an agenda, she’ll become defensive and fail to see any negatives, just to prove you wrong. Say, “It seems your boss is really helping you. How’s that going?”
2. The EX She’s Still Friends With …
Worry when … they talk frequently and secretly. Regular contact sends up flares. Covertness fires a cannon.
Not when … she has a once-a-year, 15-minute phone call. There’s a lot of history — some good.
Your move: Calmly say, “I have a problem with the relationship, because I don’t understand it. Can you tell me what it does for you?” suggests Jackie Jaye Brandt, M.F.T., a psychotherapist in Universal City, California. You’re not being invasive, you’re just gathering information. An ultimatum leads to resentment — or abandonment. Be ready to walk out the door if she picks him.
3. The EX She Still Pines For …
Worry when … she drops his name in subtle or obvious comparisons to you. If he initiated the breakup, there’s a big chance she’s holding on to the fantasy.
Not when … it might be just fond memories, so the threat could be all in your head.
Your move: Say, “I just need some reassurance here.” She should respond definitively that you’re her man, Levine says. If she pauses, follow up with “I’m not trying to control you. I just want to be with someone who knows what she wants.” She needs to think it’s something to fix. If she doesn’t, walk.
4. The Hands-On Personal Trainer …
Worry when … she spills intimate details about his life. Chances are, the sharing goes both ways. “The relationship should be friendly, not familiar,” says Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in the Philadelphia area.
Not when … he’s just pumping her up. It’s his job to give her encouragement and attention.
Your move: Once again, share your discomfort and watch her response. If she’s open and says, “I didn’t realize that,” she’s not drinking in the man’s attention, and she respects your feelings. If she’s defensive, she might be guzzling it, so back off for a few weeks and see how she deals with it. It’s up to you how far you push.
5. The Smitten Suitor …
Worry when … she’s ignoring the situation because she hates conflict. That’s bad for your relationship, because this issue will recur.
Not when … she’s simply working at her own pace to let her admirer down easy.
Your move: If you’ve given her pace a chance, let her know you’re uncomfortable. Offer to help. If she allows you, meet the guy: Put your arm around her and introduce yourself as her boyfriend. That should be enough. If it’s not, say, “I think it would be best if you limited contact with her,” Levine says. Use restrained strength, not tough-guy tactics.
I hope it never happens to you … but better to be safe than sorry.
Happy Saturday!
Twainy
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